HollywoodIdiocy.com

Early in the casting process, Donald Trump mentioned that his wish list for the celebrity version of his business-skills reality show, The Apprentice, would include Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Britney Spears. That’s a no, no and no for The Donald.

While a very small handful of the celebrities who have been confirmed for the shows are recognizable, most are a rung or two below Paris, Nicole and Britney. So, for the most part, make that “E-List” celebrities, at best. None of them are of the tabloid, booze, and platform shoes set.

Here’s the list:

• Trace Adkins
• Carol Alt
• Stephen Baldwin
• Nadia Comaneci
• Tiffany Fallon
• Jennie Finch
• Nely Galan
• Marilu Henner
• Lennox Lewis
• Piers Morgan
• Omarosa
• Tito Ortiz
• Vincent Pastore
• Gene Simmons

What’s sad is that world-class athlete Nadia Comaneci is, by now, far less familiar to most viewers than former Apprentice diva Omarosa. Such is the circle of life in Hollywood.

In a decision related more to ratings than the writer’s strike, USA Network has announced the cancellation of the sci-fi drama, THE 4400. A show that focuses on the idea of what might happen if all the alien abductees who’ve disappeared over the past century or so were all returned at once, many of them displaced from the times and people they once knew, slipped in the ratings last summer and was among the lowest-rated original hours of programming on USA.

For about three seasons, THE 4400 was a part of many people’s summer viewing habits, as reliable as a bunch of plumbing fixtures; but the summer series lost steam, perhaps due to running all 13 of its episodes each season over the summer, rather than adopting the “seven in the summer, six in the winter” schedule favored by more-popular USA hits like Monk, Psych and Burn Notice.

USA’s The Dead Zone, based on the Stephen King bestseller which chronicles the psychic adventures of Johnny Smith, a school teacher who gets into a car accident, spends a decade in a coma, and awakes with supernatural powers to foretell the future, which was at one time one of USA’s top-rated hours of original programming, was cast aside as well; the Dead Zone’s ratings were roughly the same as The 4400’s.

Hollywood writers no esta aqui!

Even a simple sentence like that may be difficult to manage when late night hosts from Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien to Jimmy Kimmel all return to the airwaves early next year, some perhaps as soon as later this week. Unlike David Letterman and Craig Ferguson, however, they won’t be returning to the air with the benefit of writers.

Which means Leno fans won’t really notice a difference, though fans of Kimmel and O’Brien may.

Kimmel and O’Brien have shows that feature actual, scripted sketches; the type of humor that requires writers. Leno, even with benefit of writers, usually puts on skits that involved him standing on a street corner handing out promotional pens.

And since Leno’s monologues all sound like unfinished Jerry Seinfeld jokes, writers probably won’t matter much on The Tonight Show one way or another.

LENO:
So! Did you hear about that thing at the White House today? That had to be pretty weird, huh?

(Yes, that joke is finished now. Thanks, Jay, for all the years of those imponderable, unfinished thoughts.)

On second thought, maybe Leno’s show never should have left the air; it clearly hasn’t been using writers during his reign.

All I can say is, the switch to The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien can’t arrive soon enough! Hopefully he can bring Triumph with him if the show uproots him from Manhatten and plops him down in LA.

Shortly after the new year begins, Late Show host David Letterman will be returning to the air … with writers and no extra luggage! Did the 2007-2008 WGA Writer’s Strike finally settle with producers?

Not exactly. The writers did settle with the Letterman-owned production company, Worldwide Pants, which basically gave WGA most of the stuff they were asking for. As a result, both Letterman’s Late Show and Craig Ferguson’s late night talker will be back with their writing staff in tow.

That means monologues, skits and, yes, even Top 10 lists will be part of the Letterman fare later this week when the show returns to CBS broadcast air. Some in the producers organization are grumbling about Worldwide Pants breaking ranks and settling with the writers, almost completely on their terms; it sets a precedent that could force other producers to give in to most of the demands of the WGA once they ultimately either settle individually with the union, or return to the bargaining table, a bit humbler for the experience.

Of course, the network can’t be too pissed at Letterman; if they were, they wouldn’t let his show back on the air.

That could be the key to a WGA victory in the labor conflict, but don’t expect a quick settlement. Some holdouts could still be freezing out the writers come summertime. In the meantime, when Letterman returns to the air, expect a lot of network sniping and strike-related humor to be the order of the day; Letterman is, of course, a WGA member himself, as well as serving as a producer for Worldwide Pants.

I can imagine Letterman’s first joke upon his return may go something like this:

“Thank you, ladies and gentleman. First off, let me apologize for this show’s long absence from the air. As you know, we have this strike thing going on between Hollywood writers and producers. Now, some of you may not no this, but I’m both a writer and a producer on this show, so you’d think we could settle this thing pretty easily, right? Yeah. Turns out, I’m a real bastard to negotiate with.”